😱🤯 5 Tips to Deal With Other People's Opinions 😳 🥰

Why do we do things, or not do things, because of how we expect others to react? Why do we care so much about other people’s opinions, even those of total strangers? Or do you feel that discomfort rising inside when someone imparts their clever wit on you. Not just any kind of wisdom, but the one that makes you feel small, in a here-you-go, punch-to-the-stomach kind of way.

A covert little criticism implying that you might not be doing something right or may have the wrong ideas. Your first reaction is disbelief. Followed by denial. How can they be so rude to come out with such a comment? Why can’t they be more tactful or careful with their words? Then your anger takes over, and you want to shout from the top of your voice, “Did I even ask for your opinion?”

Unfortunately, what seemed like shouting was just a thought. That witty response you wanted to scream at them never left your lips. You only disagreed with them in your mind.

And worst of all? After you leave the scene and mull the incident repeatedly, you begin to doubt yourself or think they might be right. And that’s a tragedy.

Because, ultimately, you can wind up feeling that what you know and who you are doesn’t matter. Thinking this way for too long leads to low self-esteem and a loss of confidence in your abilities.

But it doesn’t have to stay that way forever. 

A vast part of our anxiety can be traced back to our preoccupation with what others think. We are concerned about what others think and we are anxious that others may not approve of us. We do many things to gain the approval of ‘others’ or to fit in or belong. It seems that other people’s opinions are enormously important to us. We want others to approve of not only what we have and what we do, but also how we think and run our lives.

No matter the “why” the truth is, at some point, we base our actions and decisions on how we anticipate other people will perceive us. As a result, we don’t always do the things we want to do, because we’re afraid of what others will think.

But first a huge disclaimer. It’s so great and necessary to have opinions from a few people you can trust to tell you if you’re doing something crazy, or to keep you in check with yourself or encourage you to take a risk. Thankfully, I have a great family and a few critical friends who I can go to who won’t hesitate to keep me in check or nudge me forward or who will always tell me, point blank, if I’m not thinking clearly.

But what I am talking about is how do you best deal with other people’s opinions? What about those who spew hate and venom your direction for no reason? Or what about people you have to interact with or work with, or otherwise have to tolerate because you encounter them frequently?

Here are 5 tips to immunise yourself better to deal with other people’s opinions to help you shed chilling spells of self-doubt and inject a huge dose of self-assurance.

1: Form your own honest opinion about yourself.

Be true to yourself. Yes, this is almost painfully cliche, but it’s crucial. Once I finally stopped caring so much about what other people thought and followed my heart, my life got significantly better. Never underestimate the beautiful power and freedom that washes over you when you commit to being true to yourself.

If you fall apart for fear of what others will think of you, then your sense of self-worth is contingent on the opinions of others. While your truth may not be very popular, to abandon yourself is the worst possible response you could have. No matter what anyone else thinks of you, no one's opinion of you has more power than your own. If you abandon your own ship at the least suggestion of a negative response from others, you need to be doing some deep inner work to identify your point of vulnerability so you can heal your relationship with yourself. Your attitude toward yourself has the power to define the quality of your inner and outer experiences. So if you are not thinking highly of yourself, get to work on that.

Go Your Own Way. Don’t get sucked into some clever clog’s reckless opinion, no matter how convincing it might sound. You could spend your whole life trying to meet other people’s standards. But that’s not a strategy for a fulfilling life. Now is the time to start honouring your authentic values.

Get to know yourself. Put others’ opinions in perspective. Only then will you be free to live your life, your way. We only get one life. There are no do-overs. You may have heard many times before from people who work in nursing homes and see death on a near daily basis. They have the opportunity to learn from those who are willing to share their life lessons. The most frequent comment has been something along the lines of, “I wish I would have chosen to be happy”. All of our stories will end the same. Death is inevitable. As uncomfortable as it may be to acknowledge the fact that we will all die, it can also be liberating. When you can put things into perspective and realise that we only get one life, it makes it easier to stop caring so much about what other people think and be true to yourself. Find what you’re good at by clarifying your personal strengths.

Too many of us fall into the trap of making wrong career choices based on others’ opinions. Maybe you were particularly drawn to creative work but decided to become an accountant because your parents thought that was more sensible. Furthermore, you ended up focusing on improving weaknesses, which can never measure up to the power of just working with your strengths.

If you live up to who you naturally are daily, you’ll be one of the few who follows an authentic life. By flowing with your strengths, you gain greater work satisfaction and become invincible in your character.

2: Check your expectations.
Check out your expectations about other people's opinions of you. The difference between expectations and reality is a good measurement of the amount of suffering we cause ourselves by holding unrealistic expectations. Do you expect everyone to like you and have a positive opinion of you? If so, you are going to have a lot of unpleasant experiences. It is important to develop tolerance for a variety of reactions to you and what you are doing in your life.  If you know yourself to be a good person, value that knowledge more than the constantly changing opinions of others.

Wayne Dyer once said “What other people think of me is none of my business.”

When people tell you something that feels like a criticism try to really look at it; sometimes they see something we can’t or don’t’ want to see in ourselves. Everyone has a different opinion, take what you can and use it and toss the rest away. Just don’t let a negative comment affect who or how you are in this world. Keep your confidence in tact through it all. Everyone is different and there will always be someone who does not feel or think the same way you do; so for those people – what they think is none of your business. Do know how to take constructive criticism without letting it affect your being. It’s not always easy but you can do it.

3: It says more about them than you.

The negative comments someone makes usually says more about them, than you. It’s usually they are judging you through their own version or perspective of their world. There’s a famous quote by Anais Nin who said: “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Other people’s negative opinions are likely reflecting their own limiting beliefs about life. Develop the skill to recognise and ignore these. You don’t have to disagree with them on the spot if it doesn’t feel comfortable just yet. But put the mental blinkers on and try visualising how you’d go about creating a different outcome next time.

Why would people who don’t even know you feel compelled to be so cruel?  The people who go out of their way to make snide or hateful comments, must have a pretty crappy life. Why would someone who is happy or building a worthwhile life take the time to do nothing more than be hateful? The unnecessary sometimes spiteful comments are usually a reflection on the commenter, and not on you.  It’s terribly sad that some people have nothing better to do with their time then try to tear others down.

It’s easier said than done when we are told “don’t take it so personally”. But try to understand that everyone has their own battles. Try not to take their unwelcome opinion to heart. Take pity on whoever is choosing to spend their limited time on this earth flinging bile or being nasty toward people. It’s unfortunate that some people have nothing better to do than try to tear others down.

Don’t give them too much space in your head or your time. Remove sources of negativity, immediately. Purge your life of negative, toxic people and resources or reduce your time amongst them. If your coworkers have a knack for starting drama, avoid them. If your circle of friends have a tendency to tear you down, then separate yourself and look elsewhere.

If you have a public life on the internet or have trouble with cyber bullying and can’t (yet) laugh off the terrible comments people say about you, for the love of everything stop reading the comments or remove yourself from the situation! You can’t stop people from being hateful, but you can choose to ignore them and do something meaningful with your time instead.

Keep doing the work that makes you happy. Continue to follow your passion. Choose to make positive, productive, fulfilling decisions with your time. Avoid people and resources (and social media, if necessary) that are negative.

4: Get Selective.

Trust a few opinions but forget the rest. There’s freedom in being true to yourself and not caring about what other people think. However, it is important to trust a select few to share their opinions with you, or people you can go to when you need to talk. Have a few close people you can confide in; people who you know have your best interest at heart. Some people are going to dislike you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Don’t waste your time trying to get everyone to like you, because it’s impossible. Instead of worrying about who doesn’t like you, focus on being a better person for those who do. Spend your time and energy living an awesome life and using your talents, gifts, and abilities to make the world and people around you better. Let other people like you because of who you genuinely are NOT because of who you’re trying to be. Or, as the famous saying goes….

It’s better to be hated for who you truly are than loved for something you’re pretending to be.

5: Inner Dialogue and Button pushing.

Pay more attention to your inner dialogue and what button in you the other person pushes.
Learn from your own behaviour. Be compassionate with yourself and get curious on how you think about yourself, others situations etc… Play detective within yourself , get curious to figure out what your point of vulnerability is and get to work on it. Remember these emotional buttons we have that other people push are simply pointing out to us where we need to do some inner work.

Smile and change the subject when you have said what you want to say. A nice smile goes a very long way. Learn to be a clever conversationalist so you can steer the conversation away from areas that are difficult for you. Celebrate who you are and don't let others rain on your parade. Recognise when you are living within the bounds of your limiting thoughts, including those that were formed from others’ limited opinions.

Escape this dreaded loop with a good old dose of self-trust.

Because other people don’t live your life, you can only live it for yourself. And for that, you must stop listening to others’ inflated belief systems. With seven billion people inhabiting Earth right now, with all different personalities and opinions, you won’t have to look far to find those who agree with you. Seek out your own kind for mutual support and growth. Being around people who share your visions and goals is tremendously more helpful than trying to change those who have the opposite agenda of yours. It’s no coincidence hobbies were invented—regardless of what you’re into, a local group has already sprung up near you to bring together passionate and kindred spirits.

So the five tips again  

1: Form Your Own Honest Opinion About Yourself

2: Check Your Expectations

3: It Says More About Them Than You

4: Get Selective

5: Inner dialogue & Button pushing

The next time you’re hesitant to do something or don't want to take a risk because you’re afraid of what other people will think, stop and ask yourself, “What’s the worst case scenario if I do this?” More than likely it’s not that bad. And I can almost guarantee you’ll be worse off if you do/don’t do things because you’re more concerned with what others will think.

As Richard Branson once said: “I’d rather look back on life and say ‘I can’t believe I did that’ than ‘I wish I did that’.” 

Finally, please practice this with other people too. If you find yourself judging or gossiping about others, please stop. Let’s focus instead on becoming the best versions of ourselves and encourage others to do the same, even if it’s a different way than us.

So that’s it for this week episode – thank you for joining me ... please share on social media or reach out to friends who you think this would help. Drop us a message on our facebook, Instagram or linked page.. Or send us an email we would love to hear from you. Good luck and see you next time.